Once upon a time there was the Enneagram...

​(Scroll down a little further if you just want to get to typing!)

Personality typing goes all the way back to at least 400BC when the famous Greek physician Hippocrates started a wellness practice. The actual Enneagram language began when the late Chilean-born psychiatrist Claudio Naranjo and many pioneering colleagues since further broadened personality study, carefully and collectively spanning the human personality on a map or grid. They used ancient geometry to diagram not only the various types but also the interweaving connectivity between them. Through this creative way of ordering personality, they developed the basic Enneagram types we use today that you'll see below.

The Enneagram doesn't replace God or faith any more than Hippocrates' Four Humours or the other more modern assessments do. It just helps individuals to understand themselves and in fact, even points them to see the passions or sins in their life too, so they can try to grow healthier with a road map. In many cases, it feels a little less invasive than a mental health diagnosis, though these diagnoses can be helpful too in many cases for more severe issues and especially during difficult seasons of life.

Along with the basic 9 types, there are even more subtleties in Enneagram typing for those who want to go deeper. Eighteen wings and twenty-seven subtypes further nuance each Enneagram type, not to mention learning about the centers of intelligence. This can feel a bit overwhelming at first. Take it one step at a time and remember, what's most important is finding your main type, which you can do below. The ultimate reason people go deeper is that even those of the same type are not carbon copies of one another, thus there is inevitably even more room for growth individually and in marriage.

When you enter a relationship, you and your partner also rub off on one another in that relationship in major ways. People sometimes tell you, "You've changed since you started dating..." This is also true of family systems as Enneagram pioneers like Ginger Lapid-Bogda, Beatrice Chestnut, Uranio Paes, Helen Palmer, and many other pioneers have noted, since we also often allow our families of origin to rub off on us. In fact, the Canadian psychologist Albert Bandura's Bobo Doll experiments helps us to see how this is not always a good thing but that we do learn from caregivers for better and for worse! When it happens in a marriage, I like to call that your Enneagram Glow, the way you and your partner rub off on one another in both the best and the worst of ways. If you'd like to see how your types rub off on each other in a more detailed way (along with get help for your relationship in these specific ways), find your pairing guide together here!

Now, here is a basic list of the types and how they often love in relationships. This will give you a clue about your type(s). You can also take the test at Truity.com right here and then come back for more reading if you prefer an assessment to start you out!

Ones love with precision, order, and goodness.
Twos love with generosity and helpfulness.
Threes love with achievement and extravagance.
Fours love with creativity and compassion.
Fives love with innovation, wisdom, and curiosity.
Sixes love with loyalty and planning.
Sevens love with joy and enthusiasm.
Eights love with passion and protection.
Nines love with peace and thoughtfulness of others.

Here are how the various types often find their safety in relationship. Although at first, you may find these below careful traits endearing in marriage, when someone becomes imbalanced or holds one of their fears up too highly, they can become unhealthy in the relationship. Various types become aggressive, retreat, or overly comply to ensure they get these safety needs met. Though no one is perfectly balanced, the goal as you grow is to have both compassion for yourself and others, as well as to try to remember that in embracing faith, love for others, healthy community, balanced self-care, and relationship growth, we approach safety in a way that our basic Enneagram type left alone can never bring.

Ones - Order equals safety
Twos - Giving equals safety
Threes - Achievement equals safety
Fours - Ranking and uniqueness equals safety
Fives - Knowing equals safety
Sixes - Preparedness equals safety
Sevens - Freedom equals safety
Eights - Power equals safety
Nines - Peace equals safety

And finally, as you're shaping your theories about you and your spouse's types from the above information, below are the basic issues each type typically struggles with as a core fear. Some people take tests to find their type and they are useful in narrowing it down. But these core issues often lead us to the truth, helping us to truly identify our types since no one but us can tell what's truly going on under the surface in terms of our deepest fears and motivators.

Ones - Order - If I am not all good, I am all bad.
Twos - Giving - If I am not serving or being served, I am not worthy.
Threes - Performing - If I am not gloriously achieving, I am nothing.
Fours - Ranking - If I am not better or unique, I am to be despised and not special.
Fives - Knowing - If I am not fully competent, I will be overwhelmed and lose my life.
Sixes - Preparedness - If I am not prepared, I will lose all my security
Sevens - Freedom - If I am not free, I will be overwhelmed and in unbearable pain.
Eights - Power - If I am vulnerable, I will be overtaken and completely defeated.
Nines - Peace - If I do not keep the peace, I will lose my relationships and disappear.

As you can see, these are often based on once-helpful defense mechanisms you needed. In time and with habit, they have become self-defeating unhealthy beliefs needing some intervention at a thinking, emotional, and instinct level. None of them are all true, though they have a grain of truth indeed.

Understanding your type's gifts and weaknesses is where the growth journey begins. If we just let the personality type issues linger without intentionally working on them, they trap us in the unhealthy aspects of our type. Instead of shining brightly with our gifts, we can lead very fearful, angry, and sad lives that are purely self-protective. When we balance out our lives with care for others while taking better care of ourselves, we become healthy and realize that to completely self-protect is to miss life entirely. Beginning to take healthy risks and to find faith, balance, and love looks a little different for each type.

Now that you may have an idea of your types, I welcome you to listen to our podcasts for very specific life coaching tips and to visit our Enneagram Couple's Glow page for fun paired with growth! If your spouse won’t use the Enneagram, read on here!

Love Living Intentionally With You,

Christa Hardin, MA